Toddlers and Tiaras (114th new thing).

July 27, 2011 § 1 Comment

Day One Hundred Fourteen found me scrolling through the On-Demand listings on my cable box looking for something to chillax and escape reality for a little while. Of course reality TV is perfect for that, so I stumbled upon a TLC show called “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

It was…something else. I’ve never been much of a reality tv watching gal, but to me, this is exactly what that type of programming should always embody. Spending time with a group of people so different from yourself that, like a rubber necker on the freeway, you just have to watch.

I ended up watching the second episode in the fourth season (which had just began). I don’t know why the first episode wasn’t available at the time. Maybe I was just drawn more to the premise of a super Pentecostal mom living vicariously through her new step-daughter in the world of child pageantry.

So like each episode (which I have now discovered since TiVoing several), the cameras follow around three hopeful contestants as they prepare for an upcoming glitz pageant. This episode featured Saryniti and her super religious new step mother Ca’Trina, old hat eight year-old Spiderman-like Chloe, and  four year-old Halee, who frankly I don’t really remember.

And the glitz pageant is no ordinary beauty contest, but rather feature crazy looking three year-old princesses you’d see in John Waters films. They look like shrunken child drag queens. Spray tans, big hair, over the top make-up, and flippers (fake upper teeth) are a must. As Chloe says about both her gapped teeth and possible Halloween costume for the pageant, “I’m not going to be a jack-o-lantern for Halloween because jack-o-lanterns are fat.” This from the child whose mother takes her to get her eyebrows waxed because shaving them really messed ’em up.

You can’t make this stuff up.

I was really rooting for Saryniti, but everyone knew she didn’t have a chance since her mom couldn’t even remember to bring her hair brush. Chloe won the Ultimate Grand Supreme in the end (spoiler alert), but I truly believe I also came out a winner for discovering this total guilty pleasure show in its fourth season.


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