My back hurts (204th new thing).

November 21, 2011 § Leave a comment

I don’t know if it was the flu shot from the day before or if I slept funny, but I awoke on Day Two Hundred Four with a crippling pain in the right side of my back. And my definition of “crippling” is not really what most people would think of that term. I’m not a good sick person. If I feel bad, everyone around me knows it and should probably avoid me (like the plague). So what was most likely a minor inconvenience to many normal people was actually an extremely whine-worthy moment for me. By noon I decided to do something about it; I would call a chiropractor, which lead to my new daily experience.

I walked into the office to find the doctor singing along to some oldies station. The cheerfulness was frankly strange. It permeated every wall. The receptionist looked as though her smile had be permanently plastered on her face since birth. She jovially led me into a tiny office with a TV and walls covered in certificates and plaques of appreciation from the Duluth Kiwanis Club. She popped in a DVD for me to watch. The short presentation informed me how awesome chiropractory is and that I could expect to need several treatments. Suddenly my back didn’t hurt so bad anymore.

After the video, the doctor led me to a room with a black padded table and instructed me to lie face down with my nose in between the two tissue covered pads at the head of the table. My nose was about the only part of my face that fit through and I had a hard time answering his questions. My voice was muffled, and I’m sure I was drooling all over the tissues. It was like trying to talk into a wall, albeit a soft padded one.

I had X-Rays done, my back cracked, and then was beaten up by a giant massager that made my body feel like I was lying on a magic fingers bed, but more abrasive (I assume; I’ve never laid on a magic fingers bed).

I then spent ten minutes on this strange ice machine. There was a hole in the middle of a vinyl bed I laid on and what felt like a giant steam roller covered in an ice pack rolled up and down my back. It was actually kind of relaxing, apart from the freezing cold aspect.

Afterward the doctor gave me a freezable ice pack of my own and instructed me to chill my back for fifteen minutes before bed. He made a follow up appointment, which I canceled. Because now I realize I can be a bit of a hypochondriac (thanks, Wed, MD) and I really just need a good stretch and to spend my co-pay money on a massage instead.


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