As Seen on TV (234th new thing).

January 4, 2012 § 1 Comment

A few months back I found myself in a conversation at work about deviled eggs. I make a mean deviled egg. Simple and delicious. I’ve got the science of avoiding a gray ring around the cooked yolk down (ice bath). A participant in this southern food discussion asked me if I had an Eggie. A what? An Eggie. It is one of those As-Seen-On-TV doodads that allows you to make hard boiled eggs without having to peel the egg. I was intrigued. So when I saw the device in the drug store on Day Two Hundred Thirty-Four, and just happened to be making deviled eggs the next day for a Clemson/GA Tech tailgate, I just had to try them out.

They sucked. Worst invention ever. And this is why.

The little egg dishes are made of several twisting parts. Just to clean the cheap plastic bits takes twice the time it takes to boil an egg. And then you have to put each of the six holders back together, making sure they are properly screwed in or you’ll have egg on your face pan. Plus you have to grease the hell out of the cups before filling or getting the boiled egg out will be akin to pulling superglue out of your hair.

Breaking an egg into the narrow opening is nearly impossible. Out of six attempts, I was only able to reach the acheivment of cracking an entire egg into a cup once. Maybe I’m terrible at cracking eggs, but I’d like to believe it’s the Eggies’ fault.

Note how empty many of the cups are. The remaining egg white went down the sink.

If the egg cups aren’t full, or aren’t sealed properly, they will tip over in the boiling water, leaving you with an incredibly misshapen boiled egg. Even more misshapen than the boiled egg looks after it’s been cooked in the plastic cup properly.

The beauty of deviled eggs is the perfectly cut elongated halves of the boiled egg filled with a delicious scoop of southern tastiness (mayo, mustard, and yolk). The Eggies’ offspring end up in an elongated semi circle. The directions and infomercial  direct you to scoop the yolk out and add it to the flat top of the cooked egg, but sometimes the yolk ends up at the rounded tip and the whole exercise of scooping out the yolk drives a giant hole through the bulk of the egg white. And if you do cut them in half lengthwise, you end up with a crazy unnatural elongated semi-circle, cut in half.

Pock-marked half-eggs.

Even if you have read all of the tips and thoroughly grease your eggies before use, you will still probably end up with boiled eggs that look as if they were in a bad skin war with the before pictures on the Pro-Activ commercials. And because it is so difficult to crack the raw egg into its cup, they will probably also be assorted shapes and sizes based on the amount of egg white you were able to dunk.

Looks ok, but worth the trouble? No way.

I managed to make a single ok-looking deviled egg from the batch of six Eggies. Patrick ate it and said it tasted appropriate, but after spending the amount of time it takes to make twelve dozen eggs on a wonky five with the Eggie device (one was totally worthless), I think I’ll pass on using this amazing egg boiler.

Instead, I need an egg peeler, like in Bridget Jones’ Diary. That would be awesome.

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